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Archive for the LGBT Christian Category

A new “front line” in the “culture wars”

I am still working slowly on the materials for an extended Gay Catechism, which I announced last spring. But since that time, the amazing window of light opened for same-gender marriage, and the election, with all its promise and problems, slammed down upon us. Obama is ready to change America (read: undo most of what Bush had done?), but now Proposition 8 has to be fought all over again in the court and the culture.

But the need for the Gay Catechism still tugs at me. I continue to meet people who are surprised that I am a church pastor and openly gay. Last week we got an extended “hate message” on the church answering service, although the lady who recorded her anti-gay sermon into the telephone probably didn’t think she was being hateful. Every time an LGBT person gets slammed with such stunning and ignorant rejection, however, it is harder to believe that there is anything redeeming about the Christian faith.

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What disturbs me most is that the culture war, and the legal war, have very few “front lines.” The lawyers, ours and theirs, prepare their briefs. People sign onto Amicus briefs without ever meeting the authors. Funds are raised by the tens of millions on both sides of them marriage issue, and the demagogues like Dobson and Robertson continue to raise hundreds of millions of dollars from sourpuss Christians who think that we are trying to destroy their faith and their nation, and must be stopped. (As if these two guys in their late 70s are going to save America from homosexuality.)

But on our side, now the blogs and start-up web sites are mounting a powerful campaign to overturn Proposition 8. Even if the California Supreme Court doesn’t see it our way when it finally hears the consolidated cases in March 2009, the battle will be on to reverse Proposition 8 on the 2010 ballot. But either date is a long time to wait to have my marriage recognized.

Where would the “front lines” be? Direct one-on-one conversation with those who disagree. Carl’s work friend who lives in a conservative neighborhood did march across the street to talk to a neighbor with a “Yes on 8″ yard sign, and talked him in to understanding our point of view. That’s a front line. But the lady who left the cranky, self-righteous phone message is no warrior. She didn’t give a name or number because she doesn’t want to listen to our side of the argument. Oh, well.

But now my work on the Gay Catechism has slowed (you can check out some of these materials at www.gaycatechism.net), in part because I have too much passion to fight on all fronts. The sudden movement to stop/block/overturn/invalidate Proposition 8 fired me up again last week to launch the site www.NoOn8Church.org (or www.NoOnH8Church.org). There I am trying to assembly all things godly and strategic in the righteous battle to get ride of this discriminatory law. The site is brand-new, but you will find things like God Talk, Why Yes Won, What’s Next, Money|Politics, Headlines, and Issues & Ideas, including Can I Still Get Married?, Legal Issues, Stop “Protecting” Marriage, etc.

I guess for now the web site is my own, and our church’s, “front line.”

—Pastor Dan Hooper, Los Angeles

Why “Yes” won and the welcoming churches were quiet.

I’ve been reflecting a lot ever since November 4 about why the “Yes on Proposition 8″ side won, and the whole thing has gotten me upset enough to launch a web site, “NoOn8Church.”  There are many factors, which I examine there (see the Why Yes Won page), but here I am concentrating on the “liberal” churches–those that openly welcome LGBT people but who haven’t done much of anything to speak on behalf of marriage equality.

Unknown to many LGBT people who aren’t religious (or who used to be but were burned), the Christian churches are all over the spectrum on the issues regarding human sexuality. We see the headlines that one or another denomination is engaged in a big fight over gay ministers or gay marriage, etc. What we may not realize is that the struggles within churches means that churches are not uniformly hateful and rejecting.

For more than 30 years, many denominations have been actively working in Christian coalitions and congregations. What began as closeted support groups for lesbians and gay men who were deeply conflicted over being homosexual has grown into a movement to identify, educate, advocate and link thousands of congregations who are opening their doors, their arms and their minds to sexual minorities.

Among Lutherans, the Reconciling in Christ movement of Lutherans Concerned/North America dates back to the 1970s. Over four hundred Lutheran congregations have adopted an “Affirmation of Welcome” to explicitly and publicly say that LGBT people are entirely welcome. They have been joined by entire Synods and institutions of the national church. Our national Conference of Bishops and Church Council have said the same. There are Christian churches in most major cities which have not only invited us inside but have stood with us in the streets. Bishops have been arrested for demonstrating against their own church bodies’ negative policies, and it is only a matter of time before those policies are junked once and for all.

Religion is still a powerful force in America, but unfortunately it is the conservative, or “fundagelical,” reacitonary church which seems to be growing.  Right-wing leaders are only too happy to tell the media and the public that they speak for all Christians.  Hogwash!  It is time for LGBT people of faith to stand with the open, welcoming, affirming or reconciling churches to strengthen their witness to all Christians.  There is nothing inherently anti-sexual or anti-homosexual in the teachings of Christ, and all open and loving Christians need to keep preaching that message.

The Proposition 8 fight illustrated this all too well. Conservative churches openly lobbied their own members for Yes votes and threw their money generously in favor of homophobia and bigotry.  Liberal churches, with few exceptions, still weren’t so sure they could legally speak out at all.  Conservatives spread the blatant lies that churches could lose their tax exempt status and be forced to marry homosexuals, inviolation of their own beliefs.

Liberal churches did almost nothing. If this brutal campaign accomplishes nothing else, it has to jar liberal and open Christian churches to become involved in public policy issues, speak out on pending legislation, and encourage individual believers to put their money where their faith is. African American churches pushed the first civil rights agenda effectively, and the “moral majority” exploited conservative churches for their agenda. When are the rest of us going to wake up?

I am proud to serv a  congregation which said No on Proposition 8, and still has its signs up to prove it!

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— Pastor Dan Hooper, Los Angeles

A Fable About Equality

This just in by e-mail from Andrea Szeredy:

One day, the Catholics of the world realized that they far outnumbered all the other kinds of Christians.

“Look,” they said “There’s over 1.1 billion of us. There’s only 16 million Southern Baptists, 12 million Mormons, 5 million Lutherans… Let’s use our numbers to change some things.”

So they used their voting power and passed laws all over. These laws said that only Catholics were allowed to call themselves ‘Christians’. Only the Catholic Bible could call itself ‘the Bible’.

And only Catholics could refer to Jesus by that name. The law required all the other Churches to use different, more generic names. This law was appropriately called the ‘Defense of Christianity Act’.

Of course, this was met with outrage. Non-Catholic Christians around the world rose up in protest, saying “How dare you! We worship the same God, and our Churches are just as good as yours, if not better! We won’t be treated as second-class Christians!”

And the Catholics responded, “But you’re not really Christians at all, don’t you see? We have a tradition that goes back more than 2000 years unbroken right to Jesus. We’re the real Christians. You guys have only been around for a few hundred years, and you’re changing our ancient traditions. You even took some books out of the Old Testament of the Bible! You rip apart the Bible and expect people to call you Christian. You make Jesus sick.”

The others said “But what does this have to do with you? It doesn’t affect your lives. You don’t have to read our Bible or come to our Churches. Our worship has nothing to do with you!”

The Catholics said “Of course it does. When you call yourselves ‘Christian’, it cheapens the word ‘Christian’, and that takes away from us. Why, if you have equal access to the word ‘Christianity’, then our schools will be forced to tell children that it’s just as good to be a Baptist or a Lutheran as a Catholic!”

The others replied “But we ARE Christians! We follow the teachings of Jesus! How is that any different than you?”

The Catholics smiled sadly and shook their heads. “Christ intended there to be one holy apostolic Church, which He Himself founded on Saint Peter. It’s in the Bible. What you have is just not the same. Besides — what’s wrong with the term ‘Middle-Eastern Special Carpenter Followers’? You can still have your ‘Official Religious Storybook’, just don’t call it ‘the Bible’. You get all the same rights as we do. Oh, and by the way — since your marriages aren’t

performed in a real Christian church, we’re dissolving those, too. You’ll have to settle for a civil union.”

The others said “That’s discrimination! You can’t treat us differently just because we have a different religion!”

The Catholics said “Don’t be silly. You have exactly the same rights we do. Just like any person, you have the right to be Baptized Catholic, so that you call call yourselves Christians and get

married. See how it all works? Now stop complaining, or we’ll pass a law against that.” Then the Catholics looked at each other and smiled. “Isn’t it nice to outnumber minorities?” they said to each other.

And they all lived together in their new ‘equality’.

Transformative Power and Public Drunkenness

I see first hand the results of the 12-Step ministry every time I meet someone in recovery from alcohol or drug addiction. As you probably know, Alcoholics Anonymous has been called the most important spiritual movement of the 20th century. There is enormous transformative power in faith and solidarity to overcome addictions and its derivatives of loneliness, depression and powerlessness.

At the same time, I see first hand the power of addiction to keep addicts in its thrall. We have a man who has been visiting our church for months, who is semi-homeless and alcoholic. He admits he never met a beer he didn’t like, and he has been asking for money from members, and even taking coins out of our fountain, to save up for a quart. One Sunday afternoon he sat on the front porch directly in front of the church doors and got totally wasted.

I am still trying to reflect on the spiritual pain I feel after the passage of Proposition 8 in California, and make sense of why some people remain so rejecting, punitive and hateful toward gay and lesbian people. That’s when this analogy came to me.

Over the years, and especially in these most recent 5 months, I have seen first-hand the transformative power of honesty and love in and with the LGBT community. It begins with Step One: Coming Out to Self and Others. Sometimes, people who come out are summarily rejected, but as the years have gone by, more often I hear the stories of those whose lives took a decided turn for the better, with their families, friends, neighbors and even employers.

Two weeks ago I officiated for a wedding in which one of the grooms had come through a difficult period with his family after coming out. His aging parents at first rejected and disowned him. He is in recovery, by the way, and met his life partner—now husband—at an A.A. meeting.

It took time, but his entire family has come around. The accept him, and his loving relationship with his partner. And they all came from near and far to participate in their wedding ceremony, with his sisters and parents joyfully taking part in the final blessings.

People make enormous spiritual progress through honesty and love. It changes lives. This entire family, now united by marriage, has recaptured love and made enormous strides in spread understanding, goodwill and tolerance because of one son’s integrity and honesty. That is spiritual transformation.

Now we come to the political reality of LGBT people in a society which is wrenching back and forth between rights and no rights. The conservatives hotly and loudly call it a culture war. But I now see it from the positive side — the transformative power to change lives through love, honesty, integrity, patience and reconciliation. Some people — millions of them — “get it.” They have embraced the individuals they know among family, friends, neighbors or co-workers, they have ascended the learning curve about human sexuality, psychology, and civil rights, they have wrestled through the issues that made them uncomfortable, and they have grown spiritually.

But there are millions of others, led by religious power blocks, who think they are fighting a war. What they are fighting is their own addiction to hatred, to power and money, and to control. They are drunk on their own illusions of politics, race, money, marriage, and God. They would rather destroy relationships through estrangement and disowning those who are close them (every family in America is not that far away from someone who is lesbian or gay), than to grow spiritually through listening, patience, understanding, empathy, and love.

It is ironic that those on the reactionary side of things call this a culture war, when it is obviously a spiritual struggle they do not wish to face. I am betting my life on the ultimate triumph of love and reconciliation. And I apply my faith to this struggle, remembering the words of Jesus when people of power and bigotry crucified him: “Forgive them, for they know not what they do.”

But in the meantime we have to continue to struggle for rights and for understanding with those who as yet have no interest in the spiritual transformation that could be theirs. Drunk with homophobia, they will not even take the first steps to understand. It is sad when they bring their drunkenness right to the front doors of the church.

—Pastor Dan Hooper

A big issue for a young journalist.

Recently I was interviewed by a young journalism student whom I met at our wedding a few weeks ago. She came by the office, and was loaded with broad questions that kept me talking for over 80 minutes. When she left, with a notepad and a tape recorder, explaining that she would transcribe every word of it, I thought it to be cruel and unusual punishment to inflict on a university student.

But then she sent some follow-up questions! I decided to answer them by e-mail, so I’m sharing some of my responses with you as well. (The questions–and answers– aren’t necessarily in the order she asked them.)

Are there a lot of gay/lesbian people in your church community? If the church chose to recruit you as a sort of asset, how do you feel you’ve benefitted the church?

Our congregation is about “half and half” – half of the members are lesbian or gay; the other half are understanding, sympathetic and supportive. There is some significance to having a leader who is gay because that sends a stronger message (to other sexual minority persons) that they are welcome than just saying so. When they realize I am gay and totally accepted, they know that the church really means it.

Did you ever feel like giving up on gay rights? I was just thinking about your “4 knots”—that’s quite a lot. I know some people would definitely see that as a sort of sign to give up.

Your question hinges on the word “rights.” We’ve always felt that society is becoming more tolerant and accepting. As the years have passed, we have been able to be more open, more truthful about ourselves and our relationship. But tolerance is a visceral and emotional thing, and tolerance can disappear overnight. Our society was once fairly tolerant of Muslim people; but after the 9/11 attacks, tolerance evaporated swiftly. So legal rights are necessary to protect people who cannot be sure that social tolerance will always remain constant.

Where do you get that willpower?

We did not set out to change society or laws simply out of a sense of justice, but out of a deeply-felt personal awareness of who we are as human beings. We have no choice, as gay people (and we will always be a small minority of society) but to work for changes that allow us to live our own lives with dignity and peace. And we know that young people growing up, who are just now discovering themselves and their sexuality, need to find a safer world in which to thrive.

How do you feel about heterosexual couples? You said some things about them like buying wives flowers and how men never listen to their wives. Is this stereotyping?

I made that remark in the context of the discussion of “protecting marriage,” which the promoters of Proposition 8 claim they were doing. I believe that marriage as an institution has all the protection it needs. No one, least of all lesbian or gay people, are trying to destroy marriage for heterosexual couples. But marriage seems to be “under siege” by our secular, materialist culture. Millions of people just don’t bother to get married, or if they have had an unhappy marriage–rather than trying to improve their relationship–they simply divorce and never re-marry. My view is that marriage as a broad social concept is best protected when individuals do all they can to care for and nurture their own marital relationship. Marriage in America will be honored and well cared for when there are tens of millions of couples who make and keep lifelong commitments of honesty and integrity, intimacy and love. So like all other ethical choices and decisions, the best efforts to “protect marriage” are personal efforts. That’s why I had said – to men, especially, protect your marriage by doing things to show your wife that you love her, honor her and respect her. And flowers are always a nice touch, aren’t they?

Background to this last Q&A: In our interview, I talked about the first day same-sex weddings were legal in California. In West Hollywood Park, I was present with other clergy. I rang handbells and talked to the media. I think I was interviewed eight times that day (see this article in the Washington Post), but only officiated for the marriage of one couple.One reporter asked me about the nay-sayers who feel that marriage has to be protected from homosexuals who are out to destroy it. “If you want to protect marriage,” I told the reporter, “I suggest that you protect your marriage. Buy your wife flowers, and listen to her when she talks to you.”

—Pastor Dan Hooper, Los Angeles

The last one in this love run.

Today I officiated at another of those same-sex weddings.  The last one on my list of more than a dozen since June 17, and as touching to me as any of them.

The grooms have been together 25+ years, but had not properly celebrated that incredible milestone.  They were planning a big party for next Spring to at least celebrate 25 years of living together, when Proposition 8 began to scare them a bit.  So they called me and went to get their license.

It would be a simple ceremony, like the one on October 22, and several others before that.  Only a couple of witnesses.  But this is a couple I have known (not real closely) for all of those 25 years.  So I called my husband to make sure he could come on Saturday morning, too.

But when they all arrived, it was two sets of witnesses, plus the surviving mother and her caregiver. 

Mom was absolutely radiant to see her son finally legally marrying his partner, and this is amazing when you find out she is 94 years old.  Don’t tell me that the older generation “doesn’t get it.”  She is older than the older generation, and maybe she gets it better than almost everybody.

What’s not to be proud of?  Her son and his new husband are loving, stable, successful, loyal to her, faithful to God, and charming.  What more would a mother want?  What more could the state of California expect out of its married couples?

As has become my custom in officiating, I ask the witnesses to come up and sign the Marriage License — right there in front of God and everybody — as part of the ceremony.  It is pretty significant and solemn to hold up that bit of legal paper, and to say, “Confident of the blessing of Almighty God and by the authority given to me by the State of California, I pronounce you spouses for life.”

Vote No on Proposition 8.  And keep working to defeat the bigotry that put it on the ballot.

— Pastor Dan Hooper, Los Angeles

Presbyterians Against Proposition 8

I applaud Rev. Dan Smith both in his courage and in his reasoning why Proposition 8 is wrong and unfair:

For public release  October 28, 2008

Brothers and Sisters of many faiths,

Let us be absolutely clear that in our opposition to Proposition 8 we are asking nothing more than what already exists in the respectful balance between the beliefs and practices of our many faiths and California constitutional law.

Within the many communities of faith in our State we have conflicting doctrines and beliefs that already govern the practice of marriage.

Our Roman Catholic, Mormon and many of our evangelical churches do not and will not marry persons who are divorced. But that does not mean that those who are divorced are constitutionally prohibited from the right of legal marriage in our state.

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Likewise, our Roman Catholic, Mormon, and some Jewish and Muslim faith traditions will not marry persons of different faith traditions. But that does not mean that interfaith couples, or those of no particular faith tradition, cannot be married in our state.

Our California constitution honors all religious traditions by respecting our differences about religious marriage while at the same time providing and protecting the right of all couples to marry the person of their choice.

Prop. 8 would ELIMINATE the constitutional right of same sex couples to marry. That is unfair and unjust. California constitutional law already honors and respects religious differences. No religious institution is forced to marry anyone. But that does not mean that any person in our state should lose their constitutional right for legal marriage.

I urge you to protect our constitutional rights as well as our right to religious diversity and pluralism by voting NO on Proposition 8.

Thank you.

Rev. Daniel E. Smith, Pastor, West Hollywood Presbyterain Church, 7350 W. Sunset Blvd, Los Angeles, CA 90046

Wiggling before God, secure in his arms.

These little private ceremonies are getting to me.  I got emotional at this one again, although I’m not sure my Grooms understood why.

They sent a quick e-mail, and just as I was sitting at the keyboard trying to reply, the phone rang.  It was one of the Grooms, so I quickly got their story.  They had gone to Beverly Hills to pick up their License, but they had two small children in tow, and when they saw the line they would have to wait in for the civil ceremony, they knew it wouldn’t work with the children, ages 3 months and 2-1/2 years.

Since one of them was raised Lutheran, they contacted me. We arranged for a brief ceremony this afternoon at 5:00 p.m. 

Fortunately, they rounded up two Witnesses who could make it at that hour, and the five of us came down the aisle unceremoniously and stood before the Altar.  As it happens with a deeply significant moment, photographs must be taken, so the Witnesses were busy fussing with digital cameras.

The children were in their arms the whole time.  The baby, of course, was quite content to be held by her dad.  Even though she seemed quite oblivious to the importance of the marriage ceremony going on, she was certainly aware of the love that held her securely and surrounded her on all sides.  But Mr. Wiggles never held still for a moment, struggling up and down, in and out of his other dad’s arms, and then on his shoulders, and over his back.

By the time we came to that final kiss, he was literally upside down, being firmly held by one ankle, dangling behind his dads, as they found a way to quickly smooch.

Thank God for the wonderful Witness who snapped that picture.  If it weren’t for confidentiality, I would post it here, because it has all the family values anybody could want put together in one amazing moment.

God bless you, gentlemen.  The children’s futures are secure in your arms, and I am sure that God above noticed that, too.

— Pastor Dan Hooper, Los Angeles

The validity of love and the authority of the state.

“Dear friends, marriage is a legal relationship which is one of the foundations of community and society. It is, therefore, a public and civil relationship which expects all other people to honor and respect it, as our Supreme Court has now fully recognized. Marriage is also a spiritual relationship—a covenant of heart and soul, and a shelter for love and intimacy.”

These are bittersweet days as a church pastor. I know I could be spending more time fighting this stupid Proposition 8, which has too good a chance of passing on November 4 thanks to the hateful lies of the “religious reich.” But I am actually still swamped arranging for the marriages of lesbian couples and gay male couples. I have at least five arranged for this month.

They come in all sorts, sizes and shapes. A dedicated, loving lesbian couple, both of them active Roman Catholics, who can hardly approach their priest about getting married! An older male couple who wanted to secure their legal rights before a planned move out of state. A black and white couple, both of them in recovery. Thank God! A Christian–Jewish couple, who met at an A.A. meeting. Thank God again! And the sister of one of them is apparently coming all the way from Jerusalem to attend her brother’s wedding.

“God bless you and guide you in your faithful commitment to one another. God defend you and shelter you in your tender love for one another. God uphold you in all life’s challenges, and shower you with all life’s rewards, that you always find strength and delight in each other, and grow in love until your life’s end.”

I speak kindly to them about their plan to marry, and reassure them that both God and the community stands with them. We pick out readings, prayers, blessings and vows. And I recommend my new “custom” this past summer, of including the signing of the marriage license as the last ritual act during the ceremony itself. Why? Because we can! And so that the importance of this legal right is not lost on any of their guests, inviting their applause and approval of the really important reason they are coming to a same-gender wedding—just before they all get into a party spirit at the reception and forget how significant that license is.

But I am not getting enough time to volunteer in the “No on Prop 8″ campaign. At least I am reassured, during this proposition fight, that the California Attorney General’s office has already issued a legal opinion that, even in Proposition 8 passes, the marriages being done right now will remain valid. How much do we want to bet that will get litigated anyway? . . .

I started writing this weeks ago, but was interrupted. That marriage of the older couple has come and passed. When the arrived at the church door, the younger man was pushing his partner in a wheel chair. (Thank God our building entrances are completely step-free!) They wanted a very simple civil ceremony. But when it came time to exchange their vows, it took on a sacred character anyway. In order to hold hands and look at one another, the younger man simply knelt down on the floor next to the wheel chair.

“I (Name), take you (Name), to be my husband; to have and to hold from this day forward, in joy and in sorrow, I plenty and in want, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, as long as we both shall live.  This is my solemn promise.”

How can anyone argue that this kind of love and commitment are not valid or should not be recognized in the state of California?  I will continue to officiate over weddings big and small, modest or grand, as part of my campaign to defeat bigotry and homophobia.

“With confidence in the blessing of Almighty God, and by the authority given me by the State of California, I pronounce you spouses for life.”

— Pastor Dan Hooper, Los Angeles

Can we ever talk to one another? Can we use the same words?

I was recently invited to another event intended to bring together conservative and inclusive churches over the issues of GLBT sexuality and the Christian message. One of the sponsoring conservative organizations has on its web site a statement about “the authority and power of the Bible.”

I would probably use the phrase “authority and applicability” to discuss the Scriptures in terms of most contemporary issues. While we like to hold to the idea that the Bible is eternally valid and timeless, it has been almost two thousand years since the writers’ ink was dry, and let’s face it, much of the Scriptures seem irrelevant to the world. I spend a huge portion of my Bible Study teaching time simply trying to explain the context, language, history, culture and curiosities of the Bible so that people are not completely lost or baffled.

But it is easy to get snared in all that stuff to the extent that people are still not fed spiritually because year after year the Jewish and Christian scriptures slip further into history. Dedicated scholars — God bless ‘em— devote their lives to unearthing and bringing forward that both the details and the divine message in the Bible. But there are millions of people on this planet who will never give the Bible that kind of attention, and if we quibble and quarrel over every last word of it we are still failing to communicate God’s message to all humanity.

Then there is the problem of human sexuality which doesn’t fit the picture of either sexuality or love portrayed in either Testament. Christians are dividing from other Christians over issues of human sexuality, when all that should truly unite us is our trust and faith in God’s promises.

I always insert the term “applicability” into conversations about “authority” and “infallibility.” The Bible has the highest authority, but not every word is useful to us today. the best example is that much of the Hebrews scriptures are written to address the terms of the covenant between God and the Hebrew people as an ancient nation. None of us—not even the Jewish people—today are part of that nation. Can we therefore insist that every Christian must recognize every word of the Hebrew Scriptures as authoritative for us today? That would mean that we would have to require circumcision, and also take rebellious teenagers and stone them to death.

The list is long of things which no Christian today would in his or her right mind say is applicable to our life in Christ. Obviously there are different lists which we all maintain. But to flatly insist in the totality of the Scripture being authoritative is untruthful, and to reject other Christians because they will not obediently sign on to this view is disingenuous and itself disobedient to Christ who commanded us to love one another and to abide in his love.

—Pastor Dan Hooper, Los Angeles