We are on a family vacation right now, and this afternoon, going through old family photographs.  Memories led to reflection and even theorizing about life and it’s strange experiences and demands and triumphs.  At several points, the touchy subject came up about distance or even estrangement between relatives, etc.  How much of this has been caused —especially in years past—by homophobia?  Relatives who kept us at arms length because we are a gay couple?  Or treated someone else in the family badly because that person was kind and accepting of us?  We will probably never know for sure.

I began thinking about the coming out process, and how huge this must be for millions of LGBT people.  But homophobia swings both ways, as we suffer both the slights and insults of others, and also suffer the psychic damage to ourselves–deeply buried like a knife. 

Probably thousands of blogs are out there to help people come out.  If you find this or as blog like this, chances are you are out or already testing what the process means.  It either could be or already has been scary.  Disclosing anything deeply truthful about oneself can be frightening because of the risks of rejection and actual mistreatment by family, friends and community.  I remember coming out to friends first, who were pretty much okay with it, and then my own parents, which I handled badly and which made my dad cry.  It was a mess, for several years, before it got better.

I started the coming out process only a few months after the Stonewall Rebellion, at a time when it was extremely to do so.  But with a number of years of life experiences and years for reflection and thinking about my life experiences, I still believe without a doubt that the most important thing anyone can do is to be honest with oneself and about oneself. 

If you are lesbian/gay, bisexual or even transgender, your inner spirit will either be free and honest or it will begin to die.  Know yourself, examine your self, test your feelings and experiences.  Keep a journal if you can’t tell anyone else. 

But denial will keep you locked in misery.  At this point in life, I think it is safe to say that I have no regrets that I have lived my life openly and honestly.  The risks were still there, and I took hits for it, even to the point of losing my job and career over it—not recently, of course.  The world has changed incredibly since I came out.

And the world will continue to change.  The more truthful we are with ourselves and others, and the more we hold firmly to our own sense of integrity, the more I believe the world will become a better place.

— Pastor Dan Hooper