After watching the emotionally-wrenching [1] “It Gets Better” video from Oral Roberts’ grandson, Randy Roberts Potts, no one could deny that LGBT people have their most formidable “enemy” in the right-wing Christian church. In the video, Randy reads a letter he has written to his gay Uncle Ronnie, who took his own life on June 10, 1982.

[2]

(Full disclosure: I am not a member of a right-wing Christian church, but of a church which has struggled with all the issues in the contemporary sexuality wars and come out to a place which welcomes and affirms LGBT people.)

As if anybody would have doubted this, there is a smoking gun that now tries to connect the alarming rate of gay/teen suicides and the homophobia of right-wing Christian churches. The Public Religion Research Institute (based in Washington D.C.) has recently published this: “[3] Two-thirds see connections between messages coming from America’s places of worship and higher rates of suicide among gay and lesbian youth.”

Over a thousand people were asked their opinions about church and homosexuality, but only five questions were asked. The Institute summarized their findings:

“A plurality (43%) of Americans say the messages coming from places of worship are negative, and 4-in-10 Americans believe that these messages contribute “a lot” to negative perceptions of gay and lesbian people. One-third (33%) of the public also believe that messages from religious bodies are contributing “a lot” to higher rates of suicide among gay and lesbian youth, and another third (32%) say these message contribute “a little;” only 21% say they do not contribute at all.”The PRRI partnered with Religious News Service to survey American attitudes. As with any other issue, there is a spectrum of opinion. In the survey results, however, the questions asked allowed for a lot of ambiguity in assessing the answers given. For example although 43% believe that negative messages are coming out of “places of worship”— churches— this may include people who firmly believe that negative messages should be coming, in other words, that words of judgment ought to be preached from Christian pulpits.The third question was: “If you had to grade your own place of worship on how it is handling the issue of homosexuality? Would you give it an ‘A’, a ‘B’ a ‘C’, a ‘D’ or an ‘F’?” As worded, of course, this doesn’t tell you if respondents’ churches were preaching judgment or understanding. Twenty-eight percent, the largest group, gave their own churches an “A” in its “handling of homosexuality.” But this may include right-wing fundamentalists who like judgmental preaching about homosexuality and therefore give their church and its preacher high marks for scolding or damning homosexuals.Similarly, 24% percent gave their own church an “F” for its handling of homosexuality. But which “side” are these respondents on? A full 44% of the respondents believe that same-gender sexual relations are sinful.The questions could have been asked to filter the grading of America’s churches more intelligently. But at least there is no doubt from this study that many churches are broadcasting negative messages.It takes only a small link in one’s brain—like a simple circuit being switched on—to realize that if America’s churches are publicly proclaiming negative messages about homosexuality, there are young people in the pews hearing and heeding those messages.If you are a straight young kid, and you hear negativity being preached, you may (a) think it doesn’t apply to you, (b) like what you hear because you already dislike homosexuals, (c) be inspired to express hatred or homophobic violence because you see and hear Christian role models doing the same.

But if you are a young person trying to discern and understand your own sexuality, and coming to the realization that you are indeed homosexual, the choices are entirely different. You may: (a) try to convince yourself you are not really gay; (b) begin to think that God and the church don’t want you around and look for the nearest exit; (c) feel deeply shamed and conflicted; (d) hate yourself enough to think of a “final solution”—taking your own life. Don’t!!!

Clearly, there is no one Christian message about human sexuality these days. The worst thing churches do is to speak forcefully and authoritatively when they haven’t done their homework and haven’t listened to the personal stories and testimony of the people they’re talking about. The personal coming out stories of individuals to their families, friends and fellow-church members is the single most powerful tool for changing public attitudes.

[4]

When [5] Rev. Jim Swilley of Church in the Now in Conyers, Georgia came out to his congregation as a gay man last month—at enormous risk to himself and his mega-church to be sure—he nonetheless contributed to changing social attitudes. Some people in the “bishop’s” church got up and walked out, apparently during his sensitive, honest coming out speech (over an hour long). Others, including many from all of the country, applauded his courage and honesty.

But the bottom line is that integrity and honesty demand us to take the risks we take in telling our stories. Those who can handle the truth remain our friends and maintain our family ties. But parents, siblings and friends who can’t handle it are choosing to destroy important relationships that don’t conform to their expectations.

For me, the bottom line is not a scorecard on how American houses of worship are handling homosexuality, but how they handle the truth.

(a) We’re here, we’re queer. Get used to it.

(b) God loves the whole world. No exceptions.

(c) The Bible is a book of God’s gracious promises, not a weapon.

(d) Human beings don’t “choose” our sexual orientation, but discover it.

(e) In spite of everything, many LGBT love God and remain faithful to the Christian faith.

(f) All of the above.

— Pastor Dan Hooper