Last night, friends brought supper over (graciously still helping us both out since my spouse’s disastrous fall in early April in which he fractured seven vertebrae and two ribs). We got to talking about coming out as a result of my recent posts, and I mentioned the blog post/comment conversation about coming out in mid-life.

To which our friend Michael said, “How can you stay in [the closet]?” Probably the easiest answer to why people stay in their closets is the pain and fear of confrontation. And the “confrontation” is not necessarily external. Who was it that said that the biggest battles we ever fight are inside our own heads?

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It set me thinking about some words I began writing years back and sort of refined two years ago, and these are about the external confrontation which we either engage or flee (or both). In part:

“If you are part of the gay/lesbian movement, and part of a Christian organization, you are likely caught in a love-hate relationship with the church (specifically of your own particular denomination). As you wrestle with what it means to be gay or lesbian and to be Christian at the same time, you are also wrestling with the Church as it struggles with what it means to have gay and lesbian people openly in its midst.

“Many of us become discouraged, angry, frustrated and defeated—at the same time we are energized, hopeful, joyful and committed. We have every right to feel both of these moods, and we can be subject to rapid mood swings. Our task is not easy. But we have taken up a cross and we follow. Let us not be grandiose. It is not our own crosses we have shouldered, but Christ’s cross, worthy to be carried, which should humble us as well as ennoble us.

“It’s not for everyone. For what it’s worth, a different metaphor could be more serviceable: we are doing battle, engaged in the very tough hand-to-hand combat of changing the church’s mind, in faith, about some very basic and important issues. “Onward, Christian soldiers!” It is the Cross leading us, moving out before us. But wait! We need some basic training —things we all need to know before we get into the thick of the battle, and some rules of engagement.

“Some people may find the confrontational or battle language here offensive and call it counter-productive. It is not used flippantly, however. The military metaphor may seem out of fashion, but if it ever had any usefulness, it fits here. We are not fighting people—brothers and sisters in the faith. We are fighting the very real demons who inhabit both church and world. We must see ourselves as we really are—a minority within an overwhelming majority, chicks caught in a shell that stubbornly will not break open. We are still emerging, being born, coming out, waking up from a millennium-long hibernation during which homophobia, oppression, and death have reigned.

“Confrontation is unavoidable, even though paranoia may not be justified. As certainly as for the people of the New Testament, there are strong and dangerous forces out there: powers, principalities, angels, demons. The worst mistake gay and lesbian Christians could do is to deny their existence, or to discount the centrality of struggle.

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“But in preparation for battle, in the midst of confrontation, we must be certain of what those forces are, and who The Enemy is.”

—Pastor Dan Hooper, Los Angeles