A big issue for a young journalist.

November 2, 2008 by Pastor Dan.

Recently I was interviewed by a young journalism student whom I met at our wedding a few weeks ago. She came by the office, and was loaded with broad questions that kept me talking for over 80 minutes. When she left, with a notepad and a tape recorder, explaining that she would transcribe every word of it, I thought it to be cruel and unusual punishment to inflict on a university student.

But then she sent some follow-up questions! I decided to answer them by e-mail, so I’m sharing some of my responses with you as well. (The questions–and answers– aren’t necessarily in the order she asked them.)

Are there a lot of gay/lesbian people in your church community? If the church chose to recruit you as a sort of asset, how do you feel you’ve benefitted the church?

Our congregation is about “half and half” – half of the members are lesbian or gay; the other half are understanding, sympathetic and supportive. There is some significance to having a leader who is gay because that sends a stronger message (to other sexual minority persons) that they are welcome than just saying so. When they realize I am gay and totally accepted, they know that the church really means it.

Did you ever feel like giving up on gay rights? I was just thinking about your “4 knots”—that’s quite a lot. I know some people would definitely see that as a sort of sign to give up.

Your question hinges on the word “rights.” We’ve always felt that society is becoming more tolerant and accepting. As the years have passed, we have been able to be more open, more truthful about ourselves and our relationship. But tolerance is a visceral and emotional thing, and tolerance can disappear overnight. Our society was once fairly tolerant of Muslim people; but after the 9/11 attacks, tolerance evaporated swiftly. So legal rights are necessary to protect people who cannot be sure that social tolerance will always remain constant.

Where do you get that willpower?

We did not set out to change society or laws simply out of a sense of justice, but out of a deeply-felt personal awareness of who we are as human beings. We have no choice, as gay people (and we will always be a small minority of society) but to work for changes that allow us to live our own lives with dignity and peace. And we know that young people growing up, who are just now discovering themselves and their sexuality, need to find a safer world in which to thrive.

How do you feel about heterosexual couples? You said some things about them like buying wives flowers and how men never listen to their wives. Is this stereotyping?

I made that remark in the context of the discussion of “protecting marriage,” which the promoters of Proposition 8 claim they were doing. I believe that marriage as an institution has all the protection it needs. No one, least of all lesbian or gay people, are trying to destroy marriage for heterosexual couples. But marriage seems to be “under siege” by our secular, materialist culture. Millions of people just don’t bother to get married, or if they have had an unhappy marriage–rather than trying to improve their relationship–they simply divorce and never re-marry. My view is that marriage as a broad social concept is best protected when individuals do all they can to care for and nurture their own marital relationship. Marriage in America will be honored and well cared for when there are tens of millions of couples who make and keep lifelong commitments of honesty and integrity, intimacy and love. So like all other ethical choices and decisions, the best efforts to “protect marriage” are personal efforts. That’s why I had said – to men, especially, protect your marriage by doing things to show your wife that you love her, honor her and respect her. And flowers are always a nice touch, aren’t they?

Background to this last Q&A: In our interview, I talked about the first day same-sex weddings were legal in California. In West Hollywood Park, I was present with other clergy. I rang handbells and talked to the media. I think I was interviewed eight times that day (see this article in the Washington Post), but only officiated for the marriage of one couple.One reporter asked me about the nay-sayers who feel that marriage has to be protected from homosexuals who are out to destroy it. “If you want to protect marriage,” I told the reporter, “I suggest that you protect your marriage. Buy your wife flowers, and listen to her when she talks to you.”

—Pastor Dan Hooper, Los Angeles

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