November 24, 2008 by Pastor Dan.

I am still working slowly on the materials for an extended Gay Catechism, which I announced last spring. But since that time, the amazing window of light opened for same-gender marriage, and the election, with all its promise and problems, slammed down upon us. Obama is ready to change America (read: undo most of what Bush had done?), but now Proposition 8 has to be fought all over again in the court and the culture.

But the need for the Gay Catechism still tugs at me. I continue to meet people who are surprised that I am a church pastor and openly gay. Last week we got an extended “hate message” on the church answering service, although the lady who recorded her anti-gay sermon into the telephone probably didn’t think she was being hateful. Every time an LGBT person gets slammed with such stunning and ignorant rejection, however, it is harder to believe that there is anything redeeming about the Christian faith.

What disturbs me most is that the culture war, and the legal war, have very few “front lines.” The lawyers, ours and theirs, prepare their briefs. People sign onto Amicus briefs without ever meeting the authors. Funds are raised by the tens of millions on both sides of them marriage issue, and the demagogues like Dobson and Robertson continue to raise hundreds of millions of dollars from sourpuss Christians who think that we are trying to destroy their faith and their nation, and must be stopped. (As if these two guys in their late 70s are going to save America from homosexuality.)

But on our side, now the blogs and start-up web sites are mounting a powerful campaign to overturn Proposition 8. Even if the California Supreme Court doesn’t see it our way when it finally hears the consolidated cases in March 2009, the battle will be on to reverse Proposition 8 on the 2010 ballot. But either date is a long time to wait to have my marriage recognized.

Where would the “front lines” be? Direct one-on-one conversation with those who disagree. Carl’s work friend who lives in a conservative neighborhood did march across the street to talk to a neighbor with a “Yes on 8″ yard sign, and talked him in to understanding our point of view. That’s a front line. But the lady who left the cranky, self-righteous phone message is no warrior. She didn’t give a name or number because she doesn’t want to listen to our side of the argument. Oh, well.

But now my work on the Gay Catechism has slowed (you can check out some of these materials at www.gaycatechism.net), in part because I have too much passion to fight on all fronts. The sudden movement to stop/block/overturn/invalidate Proposition 8 fired me up again last week to launch the site www.NoOn8Church.org (or www.NoOnH8Church.org). There I am trying to assembly all things godly and strategic in the righteous battle to get ride of this discriminatory law. The site is brand-new, but you will find things like God Talk, Why Yes Won, What’s Next, Money|Politics, Headlines, and Issues & Ideas, including Can I Still Get Married?, Legal Issues, Stop “Protecting” Marriage, etc.

I guess for now the web site is my own, and our church’s, “front line.”

—Pastor Dan Hooper, Los Angeles

Posted in Gay Catechism, Lesbian/Gay Marriage, LGBT Christian, LGBT Rights, Public Affairs | Print | No Comments »

November 21, 2008 by Pastor Dan.

I’ve been reflecting a lot ever since November 4 about why the “Yes on Proposition 8″ side won, and the whole thing has gotten me upset enough to launch a web site, “NoOn8Church.”  There are many factors, which I examine there (see the Why Yes Won page), but here I am concentrating on the “liberal” churches–those that openly welcome LGBT people but who haven’t done much of anything to speak on behalf of marriage equality.

Unknown to many LGBT people who aren’t religious (or who used to be but were burned), the Christian churches are all over the spectrum on the issues regarding human sexuality. We see the headlines that one or another denomination is engaged in a big fight over gay ministers or gay marriage, etc. What we may not realize is that the struggles within churches means that churches are not uniformly hateful and rejecting.

For more than 30 years, many denominations have been actively working in Christian coalitions and congregations. What began as closeted support groups for lesbians and gay men who were deeply conflicted over being homosexual has grown into a movement to identify, educate, advocate and link thousands of congregations who are opening their doors, their arms and their minds to sexual minorities.

Among Lutherans, the Reconciling in Christ movement of Lutherans Concerned/North America dates back to the 1970s. Over four hundred Lutheran congregations have adopted an “Affirmation of Welcome” to explicitly and publicly say that LGBT people are entirely welcome. They have been joined by entire Synods and institutions of the national church. Our national Conference of Bishops and Church Council have said the same. There are Christian churches in most major cities which have not only invited us inside but have stood with us in the streets. Bishops have been arrested for demonstrating against their own church bodies’ negative policies, and it is only a matter of time before those policies are junked once and for all.

Religion is still a powerful force in America, but unfortunately it is the conservative, or “fundagelical,” reacitonary church which seems to be growing.  Right-wing leaders are only too happy to tell the media and the public that they speak for all Christians.  Hogwash!  It is time for LGBT people of faith to stand with the open, welcoming, affirming or reconciling churches to strengthen their witness to all Christians.  There is nothing inherently anti-sexual or anti-homosexual in the teachings of Christ, and all open and loving Christians need to keep preaching that message.

The Proposition 8 fight illustrated this all too well. Conservative churches openly lobbied their own members for Yes votes and threw their money generously in favor of homophobia and bigotry.  Liberal churches, with few exceptions, still weren’t so sure they could legally speak out at all.  Conservatives spread the blatant lies that churches could lose their tax exempt status and be forced to marry homosexuals, inviolation of their own beliefs.

Liberal churches did almost nothing. If this brutal campaign accomplishes nothing else, it has to jar liberal and open Christian churches to become involved in public policy issues, speak out on pending legislation, and encourage individual believers to put their money where their faith is. African American churches pushed the first civil rights agenda effectively, and the “moral majority” exploited conservative churches for their agenda. When are the rest of us going to wake up?

I am proud to serv a  congregation which said No on Proposition 8, and still has its signs up to prove it!

— Pastor Dan Hooper, Los Angeles

Posted in Lesbian/Gay Marriage, Homophobia, Fundamentalism, LGBT Christian, LGBT Rights, Public Affairs | Print | No Comments »

November 19, 2008 by Pastor Dan.

I serve on the Greater Griffith Park Neighborhood Council in Los Angeles—one of almost 100 small and serious councils of ordinary citizens–volunteers all–who vet public issues for their neighbors and attempt to provide a link between citizens and City Hall.  In a city as large as Los Angeles, the GGPNC could represent as many as 30,000–40,000 residents–certainly equivalent to many small towns in America. Although my position representing the religious community is by appointment, most members of the council actually have to stand for election in their districts. Each of these little districts—A, B, C, D and E—have populations as large as Wasilla, Alaska, for what it’s worth.

The view of Los Angeles from Griffith Park, crowns our neighborhood.

A view over Wasilla, Alaska.  Cute.

Last night’s meeting caught me totally by surprise when we came to agenda item #11, put up by a straight man just elected last June:  to adopt a motion against discrimination in any form and to ask the Los Angeles City Council to express opposition to Proposition 8 to the California Supreme Court.

I seconded the motion, but it was immediately fenced in by council members nervous about whether a local neighborhood council had any business telling the State of California what to do (in my experience it is a typical conservative reaction to say “we shouldn’t be talking about this”), and by people who just can’t resist word-smithing somebody else’s prose.

I didn’t speak up at first, because I found it interesting to watch this overwhelmingly heterosexual council toss around my issue and the significance of my life and my marriage. Nearly everybody who spoke was opposed to, embarrassed by, and extremely aggravated by the narrow approval of Proposition 8 by California voters. I was really surprised by their open-mindedness.

Our agendas are usually long and filled with nuts and bolts matters, so the time given to this discussion also amazed me. Eventually the president of the council, an attorney in his day job, temporarily relinquished the chair to one of the V.P.’s and spoke for himself rather passionately about our council’s rightful purview in taking positions on matters of public policy that affect residents and stakeholders in the community.

Finally I raised my hand and was recognized, so this was my moment to come out to the neighborhood council directly. My life and ministry are no secret, since our October 11 marriage had already been published in the November Los Feliz Ledger (buried on page 20), and my spouse was interviewed by the Los Angeles Times last weekend. But in a city as large as Los Angeles, your next-door neighbor may never catch the published news blurb about you.

So in the interests of transparency and full-disclosure, I told the council about officiating over more than a dozen same-sex weddings, and about getting married in October. My main point was to mention that Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa and two city councilmembers had spoken forcefully against Proposition 8 at last Saturday’s rally on the steps of City Hall, but that our own councilmember, Tom LaBonge, was conspicuous by his absence.

One of his staff, who was seated behind me, immediately assured the whole group that Mr. LaBonge is also opposed to Proposition 8.  Later in the meeting, a deputy for State Assemblymember Paul Krekorian assured me that Krekorian has also weighed in against Proposition 8, a risky business for an Armenian in a substantially Armenian district.

But apparently my revelation was not news:  people had seen the Ledger and Times articles.

If the Greater Griffith Park neighborhood is equivalent to a small town, our neighborhood is decidedly to the left of small towns elsewhere. After the word-smithing was done, the resolution was passed without dissenting voice.

“The Greater Griffith Park Neighborhood Council does not support discrimination of any kind. The passage of Proposition 8 will incorporate discrimination in the constitution of the State of California. We call on all elected officials of the City of Los Angeles to publicly express opposition to Proposition 8 and urge them to take action to overturn Proposition 8.”

It is not in “coming out gay” but in “coming out gay and married” which is truly transforming the day-to-day relationships in our “small town” neighborhood.  I am sure there are others who are uptight about me and my presence in one of the historic religious establishments in Los Feliz, but there seems to be plenty of neighbors who have no problem with it or actually enjoy the idea that there is a gay/married minister in the community.  The man who put up the resolution, by the way, said that many of his gay friends and neighbors had helped to get him elected.  If that isn’t a sign of mainstream politics, what is?

—Pastor Dan Hooper, Los Angeles

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November 19, 2008 by PD.

Carl had been telling me of his “water-cooler conversations” with people at work about Proposition 8. One work friend, who lives in the San Gabriel Valley, who had attended our wedding a few days before, had actually marched across the street from his home to talk with a neighbor who had posted a “Yes on 8″ lawn sign, and persuaded the man to change his view.

Another married heterosexual, usually very quiet, became interested enough to question Carl about the effects of Proposition 8, and his perspective broadened as a result. In the last few days, Carl came home with a signed note from work. The man had taken the trouble to write a sincere letter to us:

“I suppose social progress does not come as quickly as we would like. Fear and ignorance still have a hold but its grip is weakening. The strain is starting to show as those stuck in the past hold on for all their might and become more and more desperate. Lies and scare tactics are all they have left. Each passing day the hold weakens just a little and then the day will come when the grip is broken.

“There will come a time in the future when children will read in bewilderment how we as a society acted on Tuesday. They will say, “They really did that?” and the teacher will respond with a bit of embarrassment “It was a different time.”

“But here we are today. While I cannot imagine the frustration you and Dan feel that other people made a decision about your private lives, know that Sheri and I share a piece of the frustration as well. It wasn’t even any of our business to vote on your marriage in the first place, but now that this disgraceful addition to the state’s constitution has been made it has become our business. When the voters attacked your marriage they attacked ours as well. We have been weakened knowing that we have a right that has been denied others.

“So while the state of California may not recognize your marriage Sheri and I do.”

In the age of ubiquitous e-mail, I found it touching that both spouses actually signed this letter with a real pen! It kind of makes me think about us putting pen to paper when we signed our application for a marriage license. Thank you, Brad and Sheri, for signing on in this struggle for equal rights and equal dignity under the law!

—Pastor Dan Hooper, Los Angeles

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November 14, 2008 by Pastor Dan.

In late October Wayne Besen of Truth Wins Out that another researcher has announced that the National Association for Research & Therapy of Homosexuality (NARTH) “grossly and deliberately distorted” her research regarding sexual orientation. I have mentioned Besen’s own research and credentials in this blog several times, and his book Anything But Straight here).

Dr. Lisa Diamond, Associate professor of Psychology and Gender Studies at the University of Utah, is interviewed by Besen here (5 minute video).

Diamond also comments in the video interview about so-called “reparative therapy.” “The [reparative] therapists are saying, “We can change your orientation,’when in fact all of the data—all of the data suggest that that’s not the case.” She is also particularly blunt about the willful misuse of published scientific findings by organizations who rely on the public’s gullibility. 

“There are a lot of scientists who would say, ‘you know what? I just produce the data, and then how it’s used is not my problem.’ But I think knowing that we have a culture that actually treats scientific findings very seriously in terms of support for public policy, that would be inappropriate. We have to be very vocal about what constitutes an unscientific use of the data and, that’s why I think it’s important to speak out. … I’m pretty accustomed at this point to the fact that these sorts of distortions will occur. My hope is that by doing something like this we can hopefully have a more scientifically-literate society and consumer culture that will get better at recognizing distortions when they occur, and will not simply take the citation of a scientific paper as evidence that that paper has been appropriately used.”

Besen has another web site which is very helpful, www.respectmyresearch.org, which names the distorters of scientific research. Among them, says Besen, are Dr. James Dobson who heads Focus on the Family (a multi-million dollar power house of right-wing rhetoric) and Dr. Joseph Nicolosi, former president of NARTH. “Nicolosi recently stepped aside after a member of his “Scientific Advisory Board” penned an article for NARTH’s website that justified slavery.”

Alongside the willful distortion of scientific research, NARTH has been known to use pseudo-science to prop up its persuasions. Although entirely discredited for his unscientific science, the views of Dr. Paul Cameron still pop up in NARTH’s archives. For example, Dr. Ross Olson cites a Cameron winner, “Gay Foster Parents More Apt to Molest,” by Paul Cameron, Journal of the Family Research Institute, Vol. 17 No. 7, Nov 2002, ). According to Respect My Research, Cameron “was dropped from the American Psychological Association for his shoddy and anti-gay work, such as claiming mosquitoes spread AIDS and gay people should be exterminated.”

Cameron and Nicolosi

(A week ago, NARTH held a convention. For one view of that, see Daniel Gonzales’ article, “Hair You can Straighten, Gays Not So Much” in the Box Turtle Bulletin here.)

It is to easy to suppose that the right wing nuts are simply crazy. There is a chilling consistency to their logic, a consistency for which they keep finding ways to misuse information and scientific studies. The consistency is what I called the Four Lies.

A few years ago I started writing a longer paper—but the longer research required and longer hours at my day job stopped me from finishing it—about the Four Lies I see behind the right-wing manipulation of public attitudes and public policy about homosexuality. The Four Lies are these: that we are child molesters, that we “recruit”, that we “choose the gay life style, and that we can simply change. These are not merely misunderstandings, they are Lies.

Change is the underlying issue, because it implies that there is a “right choice” and a “wrong choice.” Sexual reactionaries have themselves convinced that the chose heterosexuality, and take credit for making the “right choice,” in spite of the fact that credible academic research has yet to find a cause of heterosexuality or homosexuality, and increasingly supports the idea that no one chooses his or her sexual orientation.

The screwball doctrine that people choose be lesbian or gay supports the idea that impressionable young children must be protected from our influence. They encourage the public to fear the “bad influence” we supposed exert on the young so that they will seek to control us. Homosexuality must never be “taught in the schools” for example — which figured prominently in the “Yes on 8″ television ads in California. Conservatives in the African-American community, during the same Proposition 8 battle, insisted that black people do not choose to be black, but that homosexuals choose to be homosexual, and thus ours is not a civil rights issue. For conservatives who buy this Lie, since homosexual behavior is a choice, then we deserve no protected status and no civil rights.

The Lie about child molestation—which has been responsibly refuted over and over—is that any kind of an “experience” between a homosexual and a young person could influence that young person to become homosexual, as if it is such an attractive “lifestyle” that impressionable kids would choose homosexuality the way some kids choose to join a gang or get their navels pierced or their biceps tattooed. The whole thesis of “reparative therapy” is to fix the supposed damage to a young person’s gender identity to keep him from slipping or jumping into “the gay lifestyle.” On the so-called “gay lifestyle,” see my brief article “Two Gay Lifestyles” here.

After a while, I get so tired of arguing for truth over b.s. that like many others I tend to just make jokes about them. For example, the reason that heterosexuals have children is that since they can’t recruit they have to reproduce. But making jokes does not make Lies and misinformed public opinion go away. The Yes on Proposition 8 victory is evidence of that.

—Pastor Dan Hooper, Los Angeles

Posted in Lesbian/Gay Marriage, HIV and AIDS, LGBT Rights, Ex-Gay | Print | No Comments »

November 13, 2008 by PD.

This just in by e-mail from Andrea Szeredy:

One day, the Catholics of the world realized that they far outnumbered all the other kinds of Christians.

“Look,” they said “There’s over 1.1 billion of us. There’s only 16 million Southern Baptists, 12 million Mormons, 5 million Lutherans… Let’s use our numbers to change some things.”

So they used their voting power and passed laws all over. These laws said that only Catholics were allowed to call themselves ‘Christians’. Only the Catholic Bible could call itself ‘the Bible’.

And only Catholics could refer to Jesus by that name. The law required all the other Churches to use different, more generic names. This law was appropriately called the ‘Defense of Christianity Act’.

Of course, this was met with outrage. Non-Catholic Christians around the world rose up in protest, saying “How dare you! We worship the same God, and our Churches are just as good as yours, if not better! We won’t be treated as second-class Christians!”

And the Catholics responded, “But you’re not really Christians at all, don’t you see? We have a tradition that goes back more than 2000 years unbroken right to Jesus. We’re the real Christians. You guys have only been around for a few hundred years, and you’re changing our ancient traditions. You even took some books out of the Old Testament of the Bible! You rip apart the Bible and expect people to call you Christian. You make Jesus sick.”

The others said “But what does this have to do with you? It doesn’t affect your lives. You don’t have to read our Bible or come to our Churches. Our worship has nothing to do with you!”

The Catholics said “Of course it does. When you call yourselves ‘Christian’, it cheapens the word ‘Christian’, and that takes away from us. Why, if you have equal access to the word ‘Christianity’, then our schools will be forced to tell children that it’s just as good to be a Baptist or a Lutheran as a Catholic!”

The others replied “But we ARE Christians! We follow the teachings of Jesus! How is that any different than you?”

The Catholics smiled sadly and shook their heads. “Christ intended there to be one holy apostolic Church, which He Himself founded on Saint Peter. It’s in the Bible. What you have is just not the same. Besides — what’s wrong with the term ‘Middle-Eastern Special Carpenter Followers’? You can still have your ‘Official Religious Storybook’, just don’t call it ‘the Bible’. You get all the same rights as we do. Oh, and by the way — since your marriages aren’t

performed in a real Christian church, we’re dissolving those, too. You’ll have to settle for a civil union.”

The others said “That’s discrimination! You can’t treat us differently just because we have a different religion!”

The Catholics said “Don’t be silly. You have exactly the same rights we do. Just like any person, you have the right to be Baptized Catholic, so that you call call yourselves Christians and get

married. See how it all works? Now stop complaining, or we’ll pass a law against that.” Then the Catholics looked at each other and smiled. “Isn’t it nice to outnumber minorities?” they said to each other.

And they all lived together in their new ‘equality’.

Posted in Lesbian/Gay Marriage, Ecumenical Issues, LGBT Christian, History, Public Affairs | Print | No Comments »

November 7, 2008 by Pastor Dan.

I see first hand the results of the 12-Step ministry every time I meet someone in recovery from alcohol or drug addiction. As you probably know, Alcoholics Anonymous has been called the most important spiritual movement of the 20^th century. There is enormous transformative power in faith and solidarity to overcome addictions and its derivatives of loneliness, depression and powerlessness.

At the same time, I see first hand the power of addiction to keep addicts in its thrall. We have a man who has been visiting our church for months, who is semi-homeless and alcoholic. He admits he never met a beer he didn’t like, and he has been asking for money from members, and even taking coins out of our fountain, to save up for a quart. One Sunday afternoon he sat on the front porch directly in front of the church doors and got totally wasted.

I am still trying to reflect on the spiritual pain I feel after the passage of Proposition 8 in California, and make sense of why some people remain so rejecting, punitive and hateful toward gay and lesbian people. That’s when this analogy came to me.

Over the years, and especially in these most recent 5 months, I have seen first-hand the transformative power of honesty and love in and with the LGBT community. It begins with Step One: Coming Out to Self and Others. Sometimes, people who come out are summarily rejected, but as the years have gone by, more often I hear the stories of those whose lives took a decided turn for the better, with their families, friends, neighbors and even employers.

Two weeks ago I officiated for a wedding in which one of the grooms had come through a difficult period with his family after coming out. His aging parents at first rejected and disowned him. He is in recovery, by the way, and met his life partner—now husband—at an A.A. meeting.

It took time, but his entire family has come around. The accept him, and his loving relationship with his partner. And they all came from near and far to participate in their wedding ceremony, with his sisters and parents joyfully taking part in the final blessings.

People make enormous spiritual progress through honesty and love. It changes lives. This entire family, now united by marriage, has recaptured love and made enormous strides in spread understanding, goodwill and tolerance because of one son’s integrity and honesty. That is spiritual transformation.

Now we come to the political reality of LGBT people in a society which is wrenching back and forth between rights and no rights. The conservatives hotly and loudly call it a culture war. But I now see it from the positive side — the transformative power to change lives through love, honesty, integrity, patience and reconciliation. Some people — millions of them — “get it.” They have embraced the individuals they know among family, friends, neighbors or co-workers, they have ascended the learning curve about human sexuality, psychology, and civil rights, they have wrestled through the issues that made them uncomfortable, and they have grown spiritually.

But there are millions of others, led by religious power blocks, who think they are fighting a war. What they are fighting is their own addiction to hatred, to power and money, and to control. They are drunk on their own illusions of politics, race, money, marriage, and God. They would rather destroy relationships through estrangement and disowning those who are close them (every family in America is not that far away from someone who is lesbian or gay), than to grow spiritually through listening, patience, understanding, empathy, and love.

It is ironic that those on the reactionary side of things call this a culture war, when it is obviously a spiritual struggle they do not wish to face. I am betting my life on the ultimate triumph of love and reconciliation. And I apply my faith to this struggle, remembering the words of Jesus when people of power and bigotry crucified him: “Forgive them, for they know not what they do.”

But in the meantime we have to continue to struggle for rights and for understanding with those who as yet have no interest in the spiritual transformation that could be theirs. Drunk with homophobia, they will not even take the first steps to understand. It is sad when they bring their drunkenness right to the front doors of the church.

—Pastor Dan Hooper

Posted in Lesbian/Gay Marriage, Homophobia, LGBT Christian, LGBT Rights, Recovery, Spirituality, Coming Out | Print | No Comments »

November 2, 2008 by Pastor Dan.

Recently I was interviewed by a young journalism student whom I met at our wedding a few weeks ago. She came by the office, and was loaded with broad questions that kept me talking for over 80 minutes. When she left, with a notepad and a tape recorder, explaining that she would transcribe every word of it, I thought it to be cruel and unusual punishment to inflict on a university student.

But then she sent some follow-up questions! I decided to answer them by e-mail, so I’m sharing some of my responses with you as well. (The questions–and answers– aren’t necessarily in the order she asked them.)

Are there a lot of gay/lesbian people in your church community? If the church chose to recruit you as a sort of asset, how do you feel you’ve benefitted the church?

Our congregation is about “half and half” – half of the members are lesbian or gay; the other half are understanding, sympathetic and supportive. There is some significance to having a leader who is gay because that sends a stronger message (to other sexual minority persons) that they are welcome than just saying so. When they realize I am gay and totally accepted, they know that the church really means it.

Did you ever feel like giving up on gay rights? I was just thinking about your “4 knots”—that’s quite a lot. I know some people would definitely see that as a sort of sign to give up.

Your question hinges on the word “rights.” We’ve always felt that society is becoming more tolerant and accepting. As the years have passed, we have been able to be more open, more truthful about ourselves and our relationship. But tolerance is a visceral and emotional thing, and tolerance can disappear overnight. Our society was once fairly tolerant of Muslim people; but after the 9/11 attacks, tolerance evaporated swiftly. So legal rights are necessary to protect people who cannot be sure that social tolerance will always remain constant.

Where do you get that willpower?

We did not set out to change society or laws simply out of a sense of justice, but out of a deeply-felt personal awareness of who we are as human beings. We have no choice, as gay people (and we will always be a small minority of society) but to work for changes that allow us to live our own lives with dignity and peace. And we know that young people growing up, who are just now discovering themselves and their sexuality, need to find a safer world in which to thrive.

How do you feel about heterosexual couples? You said some things about them like buying wives flowers and how men never listen to their wives. Is this stereotyping?

I made that remark in the context of the discussion of “protecting marriage,” which the promoters of Proposition 8 claim they were doing. I believe that marriage as an institution has all the protection it needs. No one, least of all lesbian or gay people, are trying to destroy marriage for heterosexual couples. But marriage seems to be “under siege” by our secular, materialist culture. Millions of people just don’t bother to get married, or if they have had an unhappy marriage–rather than trying to improve their relationship–they simply divorce and never re-marry. My view is that marriage as a broad social concept is best protected when individuals do all they can to care for and nurture their own marital relationship. Marriage in America will be honored and well cared for when there are tens of millions of couples who make and keep lifelong commitments of honesty and integrity, intimacy and love. So like all other ethical choices and decisions, the best efforts to “protect marriage” are personal efforts. That’s why I had said – to men, especially, protect your marriage by doing things to show your wife that you love her, honor her and respect her. And flowers are always a nice touch, aren’t they?

Background to this last Q&A: In our interview, I talked about the first day same-sex weddings were legal in California. In West Hollywood Park, I was present with other clergy. I rang handbells and talked to the media. I think I was interviewed eight times that day (see this article in the Washington Post), but only officiated for the marriage of one couple.One reporter asked me about the nay-sayers who feel that marriage has to be protected from homosexuals who are out to destroy it. “If you want to protect marriage,” I told the reporter, “I suggest that you protect your marriage. Buy your wife flowers, and listen to her when she talks to you.”

—Pastor Dan Hooper, Los Angeles

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November 1, 2008 by Pastor Dan.

Today I officiated at another of those same-sex weddings.  The last one on my list of more than a dozen since June 17, and as touching to me as any of them.

The grooms have been together 25+ years, but had not properly celebrated that incredible milestone.  They were planning a big party for next Spring to at least celebrate 25 years of living together, when Proposition 8 began to scare them a bit.  So they called me and went to get their license.

It would be a simple ceremony, like the one on October 22, and several others before that.  Only a couple of witnesses.  But this is a couple I have known (not real closely) for all of those 25 years.  So I called my husband to make sure he could come on Saturday morning, too.

But when they all arrived, it was two sets of witnesses, plus the surviving mother and her caregiver. 

Mom was absolutely radiant to see her son finally legally marrying his partner, and this is amazing when you find out she is 94 years old.  Don’t tell me that the older generation “doesn’t get it.”  She is older than the older generation, and maybe she gets it better than almost everybody.

What’s not to be proud of?  Her son and his new husband are loving, stable, successful, loyal to her, faithful to God, and charming.  What more would a mother want?  What more could the state of California expect out of its married couples?

As has become my custom in officiating, I ask the witnesses to come up and sign the Marriage License — right there in front of God and everybody — as part of the ceremony.  It is pretty significant and solemn to hold up that bit of legal paper, and to say, “Confident of the blessing of Almighty God and by the authority given to me by the State of California, I pronounce you spouses for life.”

Vote No on Proposition 8.  And keep working to defeat the bigotry that put it on the ballot.

— Pastor Dan Hooper, Los Angeles

Posted in LGBT Christian, Lesbian/Gay Marriage, LGBT Rights, Public Affairs, Ministry, Uncategorized | Print | No Comments »