The validity of love and the authority of the state.

October 2, 2008 by Pastor Dan.

“Dear friends, marriage is a legal relationship which is one of the foundations of community and society. It is, therefore, a public and civil relationship which expects all other people to honor and respect it, as our Supreme Court has now fully recognized. Marriage is also a spiritual relationship—a covenant of heart and soul, and a shelter for love and intimacy.”

These are bittersweet days as a church pastor. I know I could be spending more time fighting this stupid Proposition 8, which has too good a chance of passing on November 4 thanks to the hateful lies of the “religious reich.” But I am actually still swamped arranging for the marriages of lesbian couples and gay male couples. I have at least five arranged for this month.

They come in all sorts, sizes and shapes. A dedicated, loving lesbian couple, both of them active Roman Catholics, who can hardly approach their priest about getting married! An older male couple who wanted to secure their legal rights before a planned move out of state. A black and white couple, both of them in recovery. Thank God! A Christian–Jewish couple, who met at an A.A. meeting. Thank God again! And the sister of one of them is apparently coming all the way from Jerusalem to attend her brother’s wedding.

“God bless you and guide you in your faithful commitment to one another. God defend you and shelter you in your tender love for one another. God uphold you in all life’s challenges, and shower you with all life’s rewards, that you always find strength and delight in each other, and grow in love until your life’s end.”

I speak kindly to them about their plan to marry, and reassure them that both God and the community stands with them. We pick out readings, prayers, blessings and vows. And I recommend my new “custom” this past summer, of including the signing of the marriage license as the last ritual act during the ceremony itself. Why? Because we can! And so that the importance of this legal right is not lost on any of their guests, inviting their applause and approval of the really important reason they are coming to a same-gender wedding—just before they all get into a party spirit at the reception and forget how significant that license is.

But I am not getting enough time to volunteer in the “No on Prop 8″ campaign. At least I am reassured, during this proposition fight, that the California Attorney General’s office has already issued a legal opinion that, even in Proposition 8 passes, the marriages being done right now will remain valid. How much do we want to bet that will get litigated anyway? . . .

I started writing this weeks ago, but was interrupted. That marriage of the older couple has come and passed. When the arrived at the church door, the younger man was pushing his partner in a wheel chair. (Thank God our building entrances are completely step-free!) They wanted a very simple civil ceremony. But when it came time to exchange their vows, it took on a sacred character anyway. In order to hold hands and look at one another, the younger man simply knelt down on the floor next to the wheel chair.

“I (Name), take you (Name), to be my husband; to have and to hold from this day forward, in joy and in sorrow, I plenty and in want, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, as long as we both shall live.  This is my solemn promise.”

How can anyone argue that this kind of love and commitment are not valid or should not be recognized in the state of California?  I will continue to officiate over weddings big and small, modest or grand, as part of my campaign to defeat bigotry and homophobia.

“With confidence in the blessing of Almighty God, and by the authority given me by the State of California, I pronounce you spouses for life.”

— Pastor Dan Hooper, Los Angeles

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