The preacher as social oddity

October 15, 2007 by Pastor Dan.

I actually started musing on this three Octobers ago.  It’ not that this post is a “re-run” — the situation itself is a frequent re-run in my life.

There is a strange sensation in being introduced as a minister in a party or circle or crowd which is not a church group. Socially, it can be an odd fit. A flood of thoughts run through me, whether, for example I will be questioned closely, avoided or ignored. I don’t want to be perceived as either the curiosity or the bogey man, nor do I relish being seen as irrelevant.

The curiosity might as easily come from meeting an actuary or molecular biologist or crane operator or violist. We have a vague idea of what these jobs are about. But most of us are not that interested in hearing more about them–least of all a molecular biologist who could, in a matter of seconds, say stuff that is so obscure that it would intimidate or bore us. So it goes with ministers among those who have never been religious.

The bogey man, or monster, image goes along with ministers being super pious, with a high self-image, able to look down on others as if they are morally inferior. It might be fun, for a moment, to feel like one is on a social plane equal to a preacher —meeting one at a party or in a neutral setting– and so not feeling as if one is being looked down upon. But many non-churched people have strong underlying feelings that church-y people are all hypocrites and ministers must therefore be uber-hypocrites. But after a few minutes, the fun sensation is gone, so what’s the point of talking?

This leads, though, to the third situation:  irrelevance. I meet people who know that I am openly gay and permanently partnered. So they are not apt to look upon me as being hypocritical.  (I try very diligently to live what I believe, rather than to pretend to be celibate or single, for example.) But if their perception is that the church itself–in its religiosity and moral condemnation—is stupid, hypocritical, irrelevant—or even as the institution in our society which is most responsible for prudery and bigotry, then perhaps they look at a minister as probably being rather stupid, insincere or misguided in devoting her or his life to such work. When that happens, the molecular biologist or the violist comes off better in a social situation.

Irrelevance happens when people see religious commitment or faith as simply being one choice among many–like one of the entrees from which you can choose at the Chinese fast-food steam table. Protestant, Catholic, Jewish is something like chicken, beef or shrimp. Who cares? Or atheist—isn’t that sort of like vegetarian?

When I meet someone completely non-religious, I may not know at first if s/he is virulently anti-religious, any more than s/he will know at first if I am a prude or a regular guy. But when people peg religious faith as irrelevant, they are deciding that they don’t care to find out any more. From my end, I sometimes enjoy talking with people to find out if they hold any underlying values which I as a Christian might have in common with them. Or, for that matter, if they have any underlying values which shape and direct their lives.

And sadly, I do meet people from time to time that apparently do not have much by way of underlying values. That is, they don’t seem to have any values except perhaps the views and opinions that are shaped in the day-to-day world by what happens to them day by day.  So, for example, if traffic was grueling, their road-rage pours out and they exhibit hatefulness, anger, even prejudice.  But if they won ten bucks in the lottery or got a pretty good performance review, then life is good and people are wonderful.

A lot of folks seem to wade through this life in the shallow end of the pool of values. They can be pleasant enough if what is happening right now is pleasant enough for them.  But what happens when difficulties mount, when money worries or health problems, or real tragedy strikes? What happens in their relationships when the first surprises come, or storms are on the horizon, or ruts develop in the road? Without enduring values, people have little resilience, little depth, little personal strength to cope.  And it is here that we all meet many of the acquaintances in life that we do:  people with too little personal strength who are overwhelmed by this 21^st century.  They are discouraged by challenges rather than enervated by them.  they become as much embittered by the valleys and box canyons of life as they are silly and smug on the peaks.

But if, in casual conversation, I let such personal prejudices slip out, I will be perceived as a hypocrite or stuffy or irrelevant.  Yet, I too have human needs and wants. And if I’m having a conversation with someone whom I have just met socially, is it unfair to want to talk about things which are important to me, although in the most general sense, like “human values”?

Well, all this may be an interesting mental game. But how, after all, does a preacher at a party get past the curiosity, the hypocrisy or the irrelevance?  There is no snap answer.

In the Gospels, Jesus was no stranger to dinner parties, and he sometimes had conversations with strangers that went nowhere. In a few cases, he was able to cut through the superficiality and say something which reached right into the heart of another human being and apparently changed them for life.

I do not claim nor aspire to cut through other people’s superficiality so as to change them for life. Who am I, after all?  In many situations there seems to be both sophistication and superficiality blended like the latest artificial fabric.  In those situations, perhaps all I have to rely upon is the ability to hold my tongue, and to listen.

—Pastor Dan Hooper, Los Angeles 

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