Another check-up, thank God!

September 21, 2007 by Pastor Dan.

Two days ago I went to the doctor again, to one of the urology surgical staff. If was the first full follow-up since my laparoscopic radical prostatecomy in late June.

I feel fine, with just a few residual side effects that are fading in to memory, thank God. But let’s cut to the chase. I went yesterday to hear the results of the blood test the week before.

After prostate surgery there is only one thing that’s really important: the PSA blood count. The Prostate Specific Antigen test of a blood sample is the most important number for all men to watch if you’re over 40. Have this checked as part of your blood panel and complete annual physical. In the 18 months before I was diagnosed, this PSA number had risen from 4.3 to 5.8— a smoking gun to a urologist. The PSA count led to a biopsy which led to the cancer diagnosis.

Would there be any further sign of the “smoking gun”? With the cancerous gland removed, the number should be extremely low. If it were not, it might be evidence that not all the cancer had been removed with the gland—that it had already escaped or migrated within the body. It might mean further treatment, such as chemotherapy.

It would be a lie to say I was not worried. I had some advance warning of the seriousness of this number, since the Kaiser Permanente health system did not post it with my other lab results on the web site (online I can log in, make appointments, see lab results, send messages to a doctor, etc.). Yes, the doctor said, a PSA test like an HIV test is not posted online; you have to make an appointment to get the results. He said the test “takes interpretation.” The real reason is that it could be devastating to find this out from a computer, not a human being, if it is bad news.

Thank God the number came back as less than 0.1, the lowest level that the test can detect.

I had said before that all of this—from diagnosis to surgery—is still “sinking in” to my consciousness. As if my own mortality had never really occurred to me before! But there is something else that still needs to “sink in” to my whole mental, psychological and spiritual framework. That is what it really means to thank God. And is that not part of what “living by grace” means?

Instead of a mere cliché or figure of speech, to say “Thank God!” is an expression of joy and hopefulness, gratitude and finitude. We are not congratulating ourselves, after all. We live because God gives us life. Life is a gift. I have little control over how long my life will be. Except for the obvious choices I could make to shorten it (unhealthy practices, addictions, suicide), I have no control over the number of days God is giving me on this earth. Every day I need to say “Thank God!” in a new way that startles and refreshes my own soul. And it needs to “sink in.”

For this day, O God, I thank you. For the grace of my life and my health, for aging and maturing, for hopefulness and uncertainty, for all that life brings, and for its question marks, I thank you God. For the energy I have today, and the promise of tomorrow, thank you, God.

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