A wonderful solution to an icky problem.

July 31, 2007 by Pastor Dan.

The focus on the “cause” of homosexuality has created an industry of cure. The Ex-Gay movement is still here because it seems like a wonderful solution to an icky problem.

But, as long as heterosexual people are determined to follow a preconceived mental outline, they will force its logic to a conclusion that supports their determination. This an be outlined quite plainly:

1. There is something terribly wrong with homosexuality.
2. When something is wrong, there must be a reason or cause that normal sexuality “went wrong.”
3. If it can be found what went wrong, then a way to fix it can be found.

In response to this logic, organizations that operate “ex-gay” ministries have created a formula, a service, an entire industry that is geared to working with people who are unhappy with being homosexual, or are motivated to change. Most often, however, the unhappiness and motivation are the result of family and societal pressures to be heterosexual, “appear” to be heterosexual, or at least behave heterosexually in a heterosexual world. The emphasis on the “fix” in these ministries is an emphasis which firmly believes that sexual behavior can be successfully re-directed. In some cases, leaders will quietly admit that an inner change of sexual orientation may not or does not happen.

Typically, however, young people who come to these “ex-gay” therapy operations do not come because they are unhappy or motivated to change, but because their parents or families are unhappy or highly motivated to change them.

It is often said that a sweater is what a child puts on when the child’s mother is cold! The pressure on young people to conform comes not only from peers but from parents. As more and more people come out to their peers and families, peer pressure to be heterosexual is literally disappearing. But parental pressure is another thing.

Wayne Besen, in his preface to Anything But Straight (p. xii.) tells the story of coming out to his own parents. His mother bought a motivational tape for him titled “Gay and Unhappy” which, he said, tried to create a problem in his relationship with his parents as a cause for what made him gay, only that didn’t really exist.

The problem was, I always had a very close relationship with my parents—at least until I came out. I listened to the tape twice and realize that there was absolutely nothing in it that applied to my life. It was trying to establish a cause and effect relationship that did not exist. It actually seemed like the tape was trying to create a wedge between my parents and me by having me manufacture a traumatic event from my past that did not actually occur.

Besen describes the scene at the breakfast table the next morning, after listening to the tape twice and trying for the third time.

So, how did it go with the tape last night?” my father keenly asked while my mother’s eyes glowed with anticipation. “Dad, it was great. All I’ve got to do to become straight, according to the tape, is figure out when you and Mom became lousy, distant parents.”  That was the last subliminal ex-gay tape they bought me.

The opposing point of view is highly threatening to this preconceived scenario or outline, because it undermines the cause.

1. Homosexuality exists in all kinds of people from all backgrounds, with all experiences, in every kind of expression imaginable.
2. There is no evidence that homosexuality is “caused” by some genetic or hormonal flaw, by trauma, seduction, poor parenting or deep psychological or relational problems, or as a result of bad moral and ethical choices.
3. If there is no certain “cause” of any kind, there is no particular cure either.

In fact, if the whole question of “cause” is laid to rest, then the issues of “cure” and “change” simply evaporate.

—Pastor Dan Hooper, Los Angeles

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